Why

Today has been horrible I woke up wanting to die. I spent all day working my self up to the point where I almost went threw with it but as soon as I downed the bottle of Excedrin I knew I was making a mistake. I made myself throw up and just sat there crying. I don't know why I feel like I am absolute nothing to anyone. This feeling really sucks. I wish I did not feel this way but I do. I just feel like no matter what I do now nothing will ever work. At this point I don't feel as if I have any friends I've pushed them all away because in my head I know they do not care about me nor would they ever understand how I am feeling. My parents have no clue that I am depressed or anything and if I were to tell them I already know that I would just get yelled at for "doing this to them" like I'm sorry I'm a bad child. I don't even know what to do any more. All I can do is sit alone with these thoughts that are killing me. What is wrong with me.