sleep calls but my mind is arguing

why must i lay awake at night with so many thoughts in my head and none of them be good i long to be normal to be able to sleep and dream i can never be alone all these thoughts keep me company and all they do is bicker and fight inside my head i hate them i want to turn them but if i only knew where the switch was perhaps if i knew myself better i would be able to relax and not think about everything all at once normaly i do not feel anything as if i am a robot pretending to be human when i actually have no sense of humanity or emotions but rite now in this moment i feel everything and i do not know what to do so im writing to a wall with no purpose but to get every thought in my head out until i do not feel like writing anymore i have no idea why this makes me feel better or perhaps it is just a distraction from the real problems i face with my internal struggles i am a walking paradox i am void of emotions but i would be considered emotional i hate that i cant feel anything but numb at times and wish to be happy or sad but when i do feel emotions its almost overwhelming there is no middle ground no balance